"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you"
This song has been in my mind for the past hours. It is 2 in the morning. The world outside is sleeping. While here I am, wide awake clicking the keyboard for a break before updating my census for my 24-hour duty endorsement. I have 3 soon-to-be mothers at the labor room, actively in labor. After several hours of listening at them groaning I decided to take a tea break.
Several years ago, when I am new in this 24-hour duty thing, Every 3or 4 am I kept asking myself , "What the hell am I doing here? I am so sick and tired of being tired everyday. This is so not worth it!" Sometimes, when I am so exhausted and I have to literally drag my feet to keep up, I thought of quitting. Fortunately, after several years, I am still here, waiting for the sun to rise and counting the hours before endorsement time so I could go home and enjoy the most precious moment a resident doctor could have -"sleep." On the other hand, when I am on the verge of quitting, I am always reminded by the money my parents spent on me and the effort, tears and blood I have shed to reach where I am now. The thought of disappointing my family weighs heavier than the heavy feet and low back pain brought about by my duties.
Well, all I need to do is to extend my patience for a few more years... just a few more years.. to graduate from this residency. Even if this means enduring more back pain, heavy feet and sleepless nights.
Doctors are probably one of the most abused workers, especially in our country. Normal office hour requires 40 hours per week, but resident doctors and interns normal duty time per week is about 80-100 hours with no day offs, except maybe 1 sunday per month if you are lucky. I heard a lot of people confiding to me how stressed or exhausted they are with their 40-50 hours/week work. Listening to them at first sort of dampened my already exhausted spirit. I mean how could they complain with that when everyday they go home and sleep at their bed. While we doctors on the other hand, spend sleepless nights in the hospital for a total of almost 1/3 of a year every year. I stopped counting how many important family events I missed because I am not allowed to take a leave. Talking about the salary, since we are not regular employee, we only get a fix allowance per month, not according to hours we work. Because if we count the hours we are far down underpaid. Also, when regular employee get sick, all they have to do is go to a doctor and ask for a medical certificate. While we doctors are mostly not allowed to be absent 'just because of diarrhea, or abdominal pain, or headache or common cold. In other words, we are allowed to be absent only if our illness is worst enough such that we have to be admitted in the hospital. Sometimes I would ask myself if being a doctor is a gift or a curse. Imagine doing a caesarian at 4 am and your feet is really heavy and you have low back pain and you have to keep your self wide awake and brain active and your driving motivation is your fear of cutting something that should not be cut while doing the operation.
Being a doctor is a gift, along with it comes the curse. But as the old folks say be happy wherever you are. I sort of accepted my fate. I am happy with my job now. Because as I mature in my profession, I realized that this is not just a job to earn money. This is one of the most noble profession in the world. This is serving humanity.
It is almost past 4 am now, I am still here waiting for those babies to come out from their mother's womb. I have witnessed hundreds of babies being born, but it never fails to delight me hearing a newborn take their first breath and burst to cry. Seeing a mother kissing her newborn is a site to behold, it always make me smile no matter how sleepy or exhausted I am. Three babies are gonna have their birthdays today and I'm gonna be there! ;)
